Oh I’m having a day today… we didn’t get much sleep last night and had to be up early this morning. Our country is living a nightmare of apathy and destruction like we have never seen in our living memories. Hundreds of people are dying or on the verge of dying in Puerto Rico due to sheer incompetence of our current administration. Every day there’s something more to be outraged over on the national level.
And that doesn’t even get into the shit storm that is my personal life this year. In March, my mom last her battle with lung disease; on Sunday, my husband’s grandmother lost her battle with cancer; and my aunt’s partner of the last several years is down to his final moments as well. My grandfather has been placed in assisted living, started to deteriorate rapidly from “failure to thrive”, was placed into Hospice care (can never say enough good things about Hospice), and has now improved so much that he’s been released from Hospice…
Needless to say, it’s been a year...and we’re not even halfway through October.
There are some that know how much has been happening, but not many, as I tend to not discuss these things openly. Even now I am hesitant to mention all the other little things that have piled up, the crazy former landlord who took us to court for being 6 days behind in rent, watching my dad start dating again, our daughter moving into her own place with her boyfriend...the list is extensive.
Yet here I am, feeling stronger, more stable, more clear, more grounded, and certainly more connected than I ever have. For someone who once took nearly a dozen medications just to attempt living, being med free and this secure is liberating.
It sure as shit didn’t happen overnight, all at once, or after reading a book/taking a class/ endless therapy. It is a result of pure determination to not live that way any more. It has been a process of ups and downs, fuck ups and wins, lost friends and new connections.
It has been a seemingly endless pursuit trying to discover who I really am, what I really want, and most importantly what I believe in/stand for.
There are plenty of little things I do every day that keep me going. Little acts, of what some have hijacked into self care marketing, which are truly taking care of myself. Finding the wins through the chaos of the day, getting fresh air, paying attention to how my body reacts to food… all those things that have become about the care and keeping of me.
Over the coming weeks, I’ll start talking more and more about these daily rituals I’ve created for myself. They’re all little things that most of us are doing already, but not giving ourselves the credit we deserve for doing them…. OR…. we keep being told we “should” be doing them, aren’t, and then adding to the guilt and shame that is keeping us depressed, anxious, and weighed down by life.
I invite you to follow along and post your comments too. Let’s start having some real, honest discussions about what it means to be truly taking care of our self and stop with the bullshit idea that self care has to be elaborate and/or costly.